dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
