I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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