By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
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I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize