It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
