One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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