Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
