Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
