sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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