so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
