Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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