why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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