well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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