i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
