guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize