I can text with my tongue
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
