yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
