He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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