that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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