then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
