I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
