My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
