I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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