the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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