i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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