Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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