from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
