Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
