Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
