i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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