went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
