? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize