found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
