I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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