it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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