she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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