my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
