Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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