people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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