Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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