Well apparently he's into motor boating.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
