I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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