It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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