im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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