The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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