dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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