There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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