THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
