Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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