So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
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