Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize