guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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