"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
