I'd wear matching sweaters with you
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
