Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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