I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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