Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
