Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Randomize
