Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
