this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
