You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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