WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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