I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
