I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
