Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
