omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
