thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
