Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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