that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
