It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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