so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
