something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
