i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
