I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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