I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
