I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
