Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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