At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
