My hand turned me down
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
no you cant smoke seaweed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
