Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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