I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
