my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
