Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
