found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
well, you know. whores of a feather.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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