I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
