today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
