dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
