my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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