I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
