they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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