I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
