Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
