I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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